Journals

Im so sick of having breakdowns and bad days. Im so sick of stress and not being able to handle things with other people when they hurt me. Im very tired of that. But the other day, due to Kony 2012 and realization of some "charities" I have come to realization rather than only saying, my brain has actually processed, I am not the only person here. There is the world. Society is so fucked up. Society needs change. The world needs change, someone, multiple people, anyone needs to change it. Do you know that with some charities, as little as 32% of the money goes to the charity, the rest of the money goes to the selfish peoples' pockets. Imagine, you are a cancer patient, in dire need of money to get better, and you have charities helping you and other patients.... but imagine how many sick patients there are, with only a small portion of money that is rightfully yours. Charities will pose as this great thing, but not every single one has every bit of money going to the cause. How sickening is that?! Look into charities more before you donate money, only donate to those who give every single cent they get to the cause. I am also tired of people judging based off what people where! Who the hell are we to judge? Even if women wear risque clothing, it doesn't make them a whore, so don't label them one! But I don't like trends. I don't like when people wear clothes because other people. Just fucking be yourself, that's all we can be. Is ourselves. And then the news covers stories over politics, murders, abuse stories, kidnappings! Politics? We argue over that?! Fuck it. Murder and abuse and kidnappings, that is sickening. Im sick of men abusing women, rape, violence. I was one of those girls. I know how it feels. Im sick of people making wise cracks about disorders and people screaming "rape" or calling someone their rapist just to be funny. That HURTS. Im sick of the world of hate. The world of fake zombies. Just fucking live. Be you. Be who you want. What is so wrong with that? Why do you want to be everyone else? We are born different. We look different. For a reason! We all are beautiful exteriorly, but our exteriors cover our interiors, cover our minds, our thoughts, our perspectives, our beliefs. Im going to change the world. Im going to change it after I make my own personal changes I know I need to make. To better myself. This year, I start off completely new. The past is bullshit now. I have let go of the pain. Of the backstabbing friends, of the abusive boyfriend who hit and raped me, of the cops saying I have no proof, of the bullies who told me to kill myself, of feeling suicidal, of cutting and burning myself, of everything bad that has ever happened to me. I admit it to the world and I let go of it! I am starting my life for myself, time to be me. No more hiding under my shell. Im going to make music, plant some flowers and food and trees, and clean up trash, and change the world. There is a new me. There is a way I want to live. Im going to live at my best. No more bad days, I'll have bad moments and can be upset and dislike things but I won't ever hate or have my moments make my days bad.